Series 7

With no sign of Else ever returning, Alf decides to put his house on the market, though with Rita and Mike as sitting tenants, this creates a problem. As a trial run, he becomes the Reads' lodger but falls foul of Min who, after he's resisted her amorous advances, refuses to cook him a proper meal.

Returning home from work, Alf finds Min with her feet up watching his colour television with no attempt to make him dinner. This is the cue for Alf and Bert to repair to the pub and compare stories about Min. Mike challenges Alf to a race around the block.

Min has decided that Bert must lose weight and keep fit by going out jogging. Alf accompanies on a pushbike to make sure that Bert keeps pace. Before long, they're both heartily sick of the exercise and repair to the pub to drown their sorrows. But, on the way home, they are pulled over by the police who find Alf drunk in charge of a bicycle.

When Mike points out that the windows at the Garnett house have not been washed in years, Alf decides to save money and clean them himself rather than bring in a professional. Unfortunately, whilst he sits on the ledge, the window comes down, trapping his legs underneath and, although several passerby gawp, it's a while before he is freed. Fortunately, Bert has brought the television up to the bedroom to help pass the time for the prisoner.

Alf and Bert decide to increase their status by joining the local golf club though they're not very good and the regular club members notice. However, they learn that the seventeenth hole is famous in that everybody seems able to score a hole in one there and they set about faking their own version of obtaining the coveted score by cheating.

Alf is not a happy bigot; he's lost his job and returns to an empty and dark house. And all on his birthday too. He fears that he has been burgled but in fact the lights go on and friends and neighbors are ready to spring a happy birthday surprise on him.