Episodes
1. Welcome to Whispering Pines
September 25, 1997
When Ted moves to Whispering Pines Retirement Village, he discovers life in the slow lane is very hectic. He's stalked by the village glamour queen, has a fight over his famous chair and finds the village gardener growing suspicious mushrooms in his unit.
2. Ted Bullpitt, Love God & Legend
October 2, 1997
Ted's peaceful retirement is turned into chaos when his granddaughter, Terri, comes to stay and Johnno's "gardening video" turns out to be a porno movie.
3. The Revenge of Neville
October 9, 1997
Ted is at odds with the rest of the village when he refuses to move Neville, his much loved concrete garden Aborigine, during the annual village garden festival.
4. The Green, Green Grass of Darcy
October 16, 1997
Joan Collins has erotic plans for Ted, but when Darcy's secret crop of "special herbs" are accidentally mixed into Ted's biscuits, the village line dancing team creates an amazing spectacle at the competition finals.
5. The Revenge of Zorro
October 23, 1997
When the airport flight paths are re-routed over Whispering Pines retirement village, Ted and Johnno fight back with their pigeons.
6. The Battle of the Bulge
October 30, 1997
Ted and Johnno embark on a scheme to win free food and money when they sign up with a new weight loss program and Joan demonstrates the amazing erotic power of a woman to Terri.
7. Up, Up, and Away!
November 6, 1997
Samantha turns to Joan for expert advice when her boyfriend is unable to "perform". Meanwhile Ted's life is destroyed when, surrounded by bills and no money in the bank, he must sell his most valuable asset - the Kingswood.
8. Pickle Me Onions
November 13, 1997
Samantha's plans to impress the chairman are thrown into chaos when Ted and Johnno's arguments about who makes the best pickled onions erupt into very explosive warfare.
9. Cats Can Fly
November 20, 1997
The residents are fascinated when Joan starts writing a sex advice column for the aged. Ted's battle with Madge Burrows's cat escalates and everyone must have flu shots from a very strange doctor.
10. Cup Day Doom
November 27, 1997
The village is shocked when Samantha negotiates the sale of the doomed Villa 39 to Australia's great sports legend, Dawn Fraser. Joan consults her Tarot cards to predict the winner of the Melbourne Cup.
11. A Horse Named Deidre
December 4, 1997
Excitement grips the village when a resident dies and leaves them a racehorse. Meanwhile Ted's life is ruined by the surprise arrival of his hated brother, Bob and the sudden disappearance of his beloved Kingswood.
12. Bye Bye Birdie
December 11, 1997
Ted's battle with a nesting magpie escalates to war. Excitement grips the village when Samantha announces a famous celebrity will judge the annual craft show where Ted and Johnno vie for the best home brew trophy.
